The Hobbit Volume III: The Scouring of My Wallet

So the Hobbit has become a trilogy…

Peter, everyone loved Lord of the Rings. Everyone loved the goddamn 4-5 hour special editions. But the Hobbit is a children’s book. It’s a GREAT kid’s book that anyone of any age can enjoy to this day. But it can be done in 2 movies. I’m not complaining about more Hobbit. I’m saying when you go to three movies when the first movie is 5 months from debut I call shenanigans.

Give me extended edition or give me death.

It’s not that I’m complaining, but…it’s one book. I feel like Peter Jackson is standing on the edge of Sammath Naur. And instead of the One Ring, he’s holding the 600+ million dollars that a third movie will make. Behind him is the living embodiment of choosing the what’s best for the franchise over money, the blue ghost of Sebastian Shaw who George Lucas replaced with Hayden Christensen in Return of the Jedi. And he is shouting at the top of his lungs, “YOU ONLY NEED TWO MOVIES!!!” And Peter is looking at North Korea’s GDP on the table in plastic New Zealand dollars, the kiwis glinting in his eyes. Shaw goes “CUT IT!!” Peter throws the money into the back of a tractor trailer and whispers, “No” but in that hilarious accent.